


Cheated

by Korpuskat



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Endometriosis, Gender Neutral DFAB Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Rape (past and recent), Kylo is Bad with Emotions, Miscarriage, Other, Reader is in pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 16:30:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13979079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Korpuskat/pseuds/Korpuskat
Summary: You return from the hospital with shattering news- you've had a miscarriage. Kylo doesn’t take it well.





	Cheated

You laid in the bed, hardly moving other than the slow rise of your chest with each breath. Your ears kept ringing, somehow a delightful distraction from the lingering pain below your navel. Over and over the words played through your head: _Miscarriage. Scarring. Infertile._

You hadn’t really wanted children, neither had Kylo- you’d mentioned it briefly months ago and had been so relieved you were on the same page. But you hadn’t…

A dark figure drifted, almost aimlessly, into your room. You looked up to him from where you lied. He doesn’t quite look at you, chocolate eyes finding only the sheets, the floor, his own hands as he sits down on the edge of the bed. His weight pulls the mattress down, makes you roll slightly toward him- much to the aching annoyance of the left side of your pelvis.

He takes a breath. “When did it happen?” Hurt shoots through you, somehow worse than the physical pain. What Kylo means is _why wasn’t i good enough_ \- and that’s the worst part. Because he was, _he is,_ you’ve never loved anyone more- you thought you had made that clear enough to him.

It strikes you almost funny: he thinks you cheated on him.

“I don’t know, Kylo.” It’s the only answer your overworked brain can consider- stressed and drugged out, almost concerningly empty. It’s the wrong answers.

The lifelessness in his shoulders snaps, replaced with sudden tension. His hands had been laid palm-open across his thighs, now curl into fists- shaking slightly in withheld rage. He barely turns towards you- the soft brown eyes you had fallen in love with burned, hatred barely concealed. “For _once_. In your _life._ Tell the truth.”

“I am!” You cry, the reality slowly setting in: “I didn’t, Kylo. I didn’t just… sleep with someone. I haven’t…” You swallow, let the words run through your mind again. “I haven’t been with anyone at all…”

You’d been waiting. Not for anything in particular- you had wanted to sleep with Kylo, you’d been together well long enough for you to be comfortable with it. It had just never come up. You each wanted your first time together to be nice, something a little special. He’d whispered in broken words that he’d never felt like this with anyone before.

And now he thinks…

He shoots up from the bed, spinning to stare at you. You hardly recognize him. His face contorts, screaming at you- “You can’t get _pregnant_ from _nothing!_ ”

You always knew about Kylo’s temper. You’d seen it lingering beneath the surface on occasion, but never had he turned it on you.

You open you mouth to protest, weakly reach toward him- but he backs away. The darkness in his gaze has softened only by fractions, but there’s something like panic behind his hatred and betrayal now. “I,” He starts, stops, and grabs his jacket from the chair. “I’ll be back later.”

The tears that had gathered earlier begin to spill over as you call for him through the house- “Kylo? Kylo, please?”

The front door opens and closes anyway.

You’re left alone. You cry for a while, the only thing your body still capable of doing. Even then, the occasional spasming sob makes your uterus hurt, reminds you. You’d never wanted children but now- it didn’t really change anything, and yet you felt cheated, somehow. The strange scarring adhesions had too badly manipulated your organs, made your body too inhospitable. If you did get pregnant, it would never…

You don’t even think of why this had happened at all. There was only one explanation.

You feel sick.

It had happened years ago, you had so hoped that was all you’d ever have to know of brutal men. Though, since you couldn’t even remember anything, you suppose you didn’t actually know anything else.

You eventually stop crying. Just end up laying on the bed, curled up on your side facing the door.

You can’t sleep. The pain in your abdomen is enough to keep you awake- but alone is not enough to resume the tears. You’re left in a chronic limbo, unable to sleep, unable to express it.

You hear the front door open, then close. You press your eyes shut- you don’t want to see him, don’t want to have to feel the betrayal across his face again. His footsteps approach the bedroom- pausing only momentarily at the door.

You don’t move, hardly breathe as he enters your bedroom. He walks past you, straight to the closet behind you. Relieved, you open your eyes.

Fabric shuffles, clothing drops to the floor somewhere. You head more footsteps, soft and cautious across the bedroom carpet. The room is silent for a moment- completely still, each of you waiting for something, before Kylo slowly begins to lower his weight onto his side of the mattress.

You expect nothing, perhaps even something worse than nothing- but the old springs creak as he scoots closer, not quite touching you but near enough for you to feel his warmth.

You don’t move.

His voice cracks halfway through, “I’m sorry.” You exhale slowly. A hesitant hand touches to your upper arm, waits for you not to shake him off before presses his front to your back, holds you close. He whispers again, “I’m sorry.” There’s more he wants to say, but damn, he’s never been good with words.

You roll over onto your back, ignore the strange _stretching_ feeling in your left side. The darkness is gone from his eyes, now only soft and aching- a self-hatred lingering still. “Thank you.” You smile softly, press your cheek against his shoulder. “I know that’s hard for you.”

He hesitates, but forces the beginning of the question out, “So you were.” he trails off in his own way, as though stopped mid sentence. 

You shrug awkwardly. “I can’t remember anything weird. Haven’t been drinking or taking any new medication.” You sigh. “No missing time.”

You crane your neck to look up at him. Mostly you get stubbly chin and the soft ends of his hair. Up the line of his nose, his eyes are tender and slightly crossed. “I didn’t willingly sleep with anyone, Kylo.”

“I know.”

“But I don’t know how this happened, either.”

“I know.”

You lapse into silence for a moment- “I almost feel cheated.” Kylo hums his response, a staccato beat to encourage you to keep talking. “I don’t know what happened. I don’t know who did this to me.”

Kylo’s voice is low, rasping in hurt and pain, “I’d kill him.”

It makes you smile. “I know.”

He wants to say something- you can feel the tension is his arm before he moves it. Slowly, deliberately he slides his palm down below your navel. It doesn’t hurt, thankfully, and the warmth of his skin feels nice against yours. “What about…?”

You blink, your heart skipping for a moment. “I thought you didn’t want kids…?”

“God, no.” You almost laugh, settle for closing your eyes and sigh against him. “But… if you had changed your mind…?”

“Well.” Your tiny hand covers his where it sits above your pubic bone. “Little late for that.”

He hesitates, tries to think of anything better to say, but settles for “I’m sorry.”

You roll over again, pressing your face into the soft cloth of Kylo’s sleep shirt. The one you gave him. You close your eyes, exhaustion finally creeping in. Between a yawn, you mumble into Kylo’s shirt “It’s okay.”


End file.
